Bride to be...

Song of Solomon 3:4
I have found the one whom, my Soul loves...

Take a moment and imagine with me,  a bride-to-be. She's spent hours and hours and hours of time and hundreds if not thousands of dollars on the perfect dress, the perfect hair, the makeup, the nails, the shoes etc...as she prepares to walk down the aisle to see her bridegroom for the very first time, as she anticipates that first glance and the smile meant only for her. Her heart races and her adrenaline is pumping...and she can barely focus, its all surreal and she is barely able to take in every detail that surrounds her ...but she is absolutely ...STUNNINGLY beautiful. And she is happier in that moment than she can recall. Her soon to be husband's breath is taken away at the sight of his beautiful bride. A tear forms in his eye...they lock eyes and her energy and heart rate are elevated. She cannot wait to take this man...

Sometimes I feel like Jesus has spent everything He has and has fully invested himself...He stands waiting with anticipation of His "first look"...and instead of a beautiful blushing bride, eagerly and gracefully coming toward Him, he sees me. A dirty, unkempt, unconcerned, unprepared, underdressed, and worse...indifferent, aloof, selfish and thoughtless woman who spent zero time, money or thought on receiving Him or giving myself to Him. 

I am so thankful that in spite of what He'd see...He WOULD still want me and Love me. He has already invested everything and is not going to stand me up! 

But I can't help wondering: 

What would Jesus really  see as my bridegroom if He were to come tomorrow?

What can I do to prepare myself as a bride-to-be ought to? 

Why is it so easy to forget that He is REAL and He IS returning? 

Why is it, I/We would or have invested more money, more time, more energy, more thought....preparing and planning for an earthly wedding, so concerned with "that first look" of the one we are betrothed to, than we do for our Spiritual and Heavenly bridegroom? 

Random-relevent-middle-of-the-night Psalm??

So I have been going through a tremendous season of pain. Deep heart pain, grief, lonliness. A season of Job where many many things (mostly material, but some people also) have been taken from me. I have been thrust into new and scary and difficult situations and I have had to rely on the Lord financially and physically in ways I have not had to before. To say it's been hell and that I am weary is an understatement. 

But tonight i rejoice once again in Gods word. Once again, my love for Scripture prevails. I wept BITTERLY tonight. Its 2:30 a.m. And I have been up for nearly 24 hours. I am broken. I cried out to the Lord and I asked Him to hear my cries....and suddenly the image, Psalm 61 came to my mind. I thought, are you sure God? Psalm 61? Who reads psalms 60's they aren't the more well known verses. And surely it can't be relevent. Isn't David just lamenting about his enemies for most of those chapters? 

But the Lord was insistent. So I blew my nose, wiped my eyes and looked up Psalm 61 

Psalm 61^[a]

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. Of David.

¹ Hear my cry, O God;
    listen to my prayer.

² From the ends of the earth I call to you,
    I call as my heart grows faint;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge,

    a strong tower against the foe.

⁴ I long to dwell in your tent forever
    and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.^[b]
5 For you, God, have heard my vows;
    you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

6 Increase the days of the king’s life,

his years for many generations.
7 May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;
 appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

⁸ Then I will ever sing in praise of your name

 and fulfill my vows day after day.

Wow. The first part of this...I could have written myself!  It was my personal lament. My personal hearts, ache, longing...for God to show up! 

But even as I read on and chose to receive the promise, that God is my refuge, and I can find shelter in His wings, I realized, also...He has given me the Heritage of those who also feared His name! What a blessing their testimonies have been in my life! I am also not a king or queen per se but by being faithful, I too can be enthroned in Gods presence forever. Both literally in the NEXT life, but isn't that also what I am doing when I am meditating on His word? Especially when He gives it to me in such a supernatural way....His presence is with me, RIGHT NOW! As I read those very words. I can CHOOSE to rest on the promise that no matter what I see or feel ...I am protected by Gods LOVE and faithfulness. And that makes me of course...want to 

sing in praise of your name

 and fulfill my vows day after day.

Halellujah.