Lessons

         

A Psalm of Mia. 

   I was recently talking to someone and explaining the pure joy and gratitude I have for Jesus. 

The light and cheerfulness I carry… it’s quite confusing and misunderstood by many of those who know my “story” & know the various trauma I have endured. 

Abandoned in the jungle of S. America, Beaten throughout childhood, Sexually abused/raped, Neglected, Domestic Violence, Poor, Homeless, Broken, Adultery, Divorce, Bankruptcy, lots of physical deaths of loved ones, family, friends. (Including several people murdered!) Physical disability, near-death experiences and injuries/illnesses Etc. 

For nearly 50 years, there has been much pain & hardship; sometimes with no end in sight, and sometimes so unbearable, I have contemplated just ending it all. 

But God. 

Here’s what I have learned in my Christian Journey. 

I have had everything stripped away, and felt Gods strength, provision, nearness and peace, significantly more than any time, I was ever in a season of stability, health or blessings. 

I have been in seasons of absolute rebellion & hard heartedness, and felt God so distant from me, I felt crushed, empty and drowning all at once. 

Yet, once I repented and returned to Him, I felt His LOVE & Mercy in ways I couldn’t possibly have experienced, any other way. 

I have had YEARS of being abused, abandoned (literally) broken and violated- through no fault of my own; and yet sensed Gods physical PRESENCE, protection & faithfulness in legitimate supernatural ways. 

⭐️  I have learned, it is precisely BECAUSE of all these “dark”, “heavy” difficult, painful seasons… that I have experienced the attributes of God. 

⭐️  I have learned to have reverence and be in awe of Him. 

⭐️  I learned, I literally could not have the relationship I have with Jesus WITHOUT all of the difficulties and all of the PAIN. 

These challenges, these wounds, are what has made Him real to me and drew me closer and more deeply in love with Him and so so incredibly thankful for & to Him. 

I have seen with my own eyes, and felt in my own body, the very things The Psalmist describes over and over again. 

God is : 

•Sovereign 

•Holy 

•Just 

• Love 

• Kind 

• Generous 

• Slow to anger 

• Jealous 

• Personal 

• Comfort

* Merciful 

So yes, I am continuously filled with Gratitude, Surrender & Love for/to Him.

It is what makes me believe that despite whatever hardships come, I KNOW my God will show up, one way or the other. 

If not to “save” me from whatever circumstances I face; to be the Calm, Peace, Hope and Joy in the middle of it. 

If you are currently in the middle of a season of hopelessness or excruciating pain, before you give up… please read & re-read the scriptures below, and let Gods word and His presence and His promises reveal themselves to you. 

Psalm 145

Psalm 121 

Psalm 73

Psalm 23 

JEHOVA JIREH (We got a house!)

 JEHOVA JIREH GOD PROVIDES! 

WE GOT A HOUSE!! 

But here’s the thing. 

As always there is a story and a lesson... Read on. 

The house we ended up getting (We will call this The Cave Creek House) is the VERY first house we were scheduled to see, on Friday afternoon when we landed in Phoenix. 

We ended up not viewing it, for several reasons, one of which being that it is an hour north of Central Phoenix. And, so many houses had already canceled showings with us, because they had rented already. We had to move fast! 

Our realtor explained if we went an hour north, we would not have time to look at the other 2-3 homes she had for us, which were just south of Phoenix, before they were rented. 

We had a decision to make: spend our afternoon looking at ONE house in a not so ideal location? Or spend the afternoon looking at multiple houses in our preferred towns and neighborhoods. Seemed like a good idea to just blow off the Cave Creek house until the next day... if possible. 

The next morning she tells us, it’s off the market and had been rented anyway. Out of sight out of mind. We let it go. Meh. 

But God had other plans, I believe. As you may have read in my previous blog post (stop and read if you haven’t:) 

http://lampword.blogspot.com/2020/10/oof-conviction-hope.html?m=1

We searched high and low, and every house we were scheduled to view were either rented before we could even view it or we applied and were flatly denied. (Which was weird bc neither of us had ever been denied before!) there were one or two (we tried not to be picky since it was such slim pickings) that we walked into and then practically -immediately back out of because they were that awful. We had no desire to apply for them. They would *not* meet our needs in addition to being in less desirable neighborhoods or had other negative things about them we didn’t like. 

Yesterday (10/7) 2 days after we got home and about a week from movers coming (Weds. 10/15) The Cave Creek House became available again. Our realtor had us rush our application through for it... along with 2 other houses; the 2 we didn’t want!!! Go figure. We were approved for ALL 3. 

We went from ZERO to 3 in. a. day. a single day. 

Sometimes God has such a sense of humor. He’s up there “Okay you want a house, I’ll see your house and raise you 2 more!” 

Additionally, it’s Gods timing that blows my mind.

We had to HUMBLE ourselves and apply and potentially accept a house that was “beneath” us and “not good enough” because it was all that was left. We had such an entitled and proud spirit! Oy my humanness. 

WE REFUSED in an arrogant way, to see the House that He ordained for us, at the beginning, so then we were left to WAIT. In limbo. Wait until the other folks backed out... before we could get it. 

But once we surrendered... God supplied the original house, and it is beyond what we could imagine... especially compared to those other 2. 

Also, when God shows up, he REALLY shows up, when I had a chance to speak directly with The Cave Creek House realtor, we got off on a tangent (Shocking I know) about our respective “special needs” kiddos.

And he told me that because he has 2 of them and empathizes with us because of Allyson, he literally moved us to the top of the list, AND he said “I really want you to meet my wife, she is very connected with all the local support groups and can give you great information on the best therapists and resources as well”. 

Like WHOA. That’s something I had genuinely been concerned about... finding good people for Allysons therapies. (She has multiple kinds). God provides!

I am often humbled by the Lord and feel incredibly blessed and even more grateful than you can imagine. 

I said to someone, I’m not as excited about the house, as much as I am GODS PROVISION and HIS PERFECT TIMING. He always blows my mind with how GOOD He is to me... #HighlyFavored 

Psalm 145. 

He is Good, 

He is Kind in all He does, 

His mercy is on those who love Him, 

He will provide “when its time” and 

He will fulfill your desires. 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.biblegateway.com/passage/%3Fsearch%3DPsalm%2520145%26version%3DESV%26interface%3Damp

The End. 

Here are a few pix to the house... ya’ll are welcome anytime! 

OOF. Conviction & HOPE.

 We left Arizona discouraged, frustrated, overwhelmed and thoroughly sad and disappointed. We did not find a house. We move in 10 days. The movers call tomorrow to find out where they deliver our furniture and we have no address. This will be the fourth time I have “faced homelessness” although not -the living on the street or out of my car kind- it is still scary and daunting. 

This morning I woke up, feeling heavy and angry and confused and frustrated and exhausted. Then I drank a little coffee (I'm convinced it’s a mood stabilizer!) and I did my Worship/Prayer/Devotions. 

I was listening to a song called “King of my Heart” sung by Steffany Gretzinger who is one of my favorite Christian singers. 

One of the lines in the song is “You’re never gonna let, you’re never gonna let me down.” -This is repeated several times. And then “because you are good. You’re good. You’re good.” As they repeated this line over and over and I ruminated on this, several verses came to mind in quick succession like flood. 

And then The Lord spoke. 

The verses:

• Numbers 23:19 - “God is not a man that He should lie… Has he said it, and not done it?” 

• Psalm 145: 9 “The Lord is good to all …” 

• Psalm 145: 13b-16. The Lord is faithful in all his words, and kind in all his works. 14 The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

• 1 John 4: 8 … God is Love. 

• 1 John 4: 18 … Perfect love casts out fear. 

• Zeph. 3:17  ...He delights in you. 

This is what the Lord said: 

“What character flaw have you found in me, that would make you think I would purposely cause you to be discouraged. I will not let you down, I do not “disappoint” people. Do I delight in playing jokes on my beloved? Do you think I don’t have something planned for you, that is beyond what you imagined? Have I not been faithful to you over and over and over and every other time you needed a home, have I not given you one? I don’t understand who you think I am.” 

OOF. So I repented. And I received the word. And I surrendered everything. I broke down crying in the car to work, listening to worship music, praying for my family. Just surrendering it all.

Peace filled me. 

Love washed over me. 

And faith buoyed me. 

I don’t know why we couldn’t find a home. I don’t know why we have to wait, or even possibly why we would have to spend so much more money on hotels, or Storage etc. But I do know GOD is LOVE. He is KIND. He DELIGHTS in me. He is FAITHFUL and He will never let me down. I believe He will satisfy our desires, in HIS time. 

Here is the song:

King of my Heart feat. Steffany Gretzinger. With lyrics. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaxEXZqpRcA

COMMON ERRORS

One of the common errors of Mankind, at least in Christendom, is to believe that God needs us to share the Gospel, spread His truth and His word to others in our sphere of influence and throughout the world. 

He has asked us to, and perhaps even requires it. But he doesn’t *need* us. He chooses us. 

I learned this a few years back, Gods word, Gods Holiness, Gods TRUTH, does not change ... 

...even if the person speaking them,

• doesn’t believe it, 
• doesn’t “feel” it 
• doesn’t “live” it. (This one is especially hard for Christians to accept) 

HE uses HIS power, HIS Holy Spirit, HIS word,to speak into the lives of whoever is is listening in spite of ourselves, what we're doing or how we behave. 

We can be the biggest hypocrite on the earth, and speak Gods words and have them transform the lives of those around us. 

Because it is Gods word and Gods Truth that has the transformative power. 

Because it is THEIR faith & their belief, that allows Gods truth to transform them. We literally almost have zero to do with it. 

I am not suggesting God condones this or blesses it, does it represent Christ well? No.

I am simply saying if He can use a donkey to get through to Balaam

He can certainly use you & I.  

I am suggesting however, that the speaker has less impact than the Power of the Holy Spirit; to the Hearer. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You can read about Balaam’s Donkey Here: 

Numbers 22:21-39

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Numbers+22%3A21-39&version=NIV

Or a short video here: 

https://youtu.be/WF5ihGptAGc

Philippians 1:18

18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice.

A little prayer poem

 

Dear Lord Jesus, I don’t know what to do.

I know I am nothing without you.

Lord hear my prayer.

Be near me in this hour.

Father you are always enough.

But life is sometimes, so very tough.

Jesus you give so much peace.

But life leaves me so ill at ease.

My anxiety is through the roof.

But I know your word holds Hope and Truth. 

Lord, I need to feel you near me.

Holy Spirit hear my plea.

 

I want to choose faith over fear,

I want to sense you near.

Help me to surrender all.

To accept your blessings and your call.

Help me love others, just the way you do.

Help them sense your presence too.

All this I ask in Jesus name.

Until you take me home again. 

Amen

Psalm 145: 17-20a

17 

The Lord is righteous in all his ways

    and faithful in all he does.

18 

The Lord is near to all who call on him,

    to all who call on him in truth.

19 

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;

    he hears their cry and saves them.

20 

The Lord watches over all who love him,

Sittin' by the Kerith. Again.

Not going to lie. Today I'm freaking out a little bit. 

My husband was fired today. Abruptly. After we moved across the country 7 months ago for this job. To a place where we know nobody and had no support system and the geography/weather is horrible to our liking and from what we're used to. 

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Elijah Fed by Ravens (NIV) 1 Kings 17: 2-17

2 Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah: 3 “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. 4 You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.”

5 So he did what the Lord had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.  7 Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land.

The Prayer of Faith (ESV) James 5:17-18

17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. 18 Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.

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SO many times, I have had seasons of "limbo" and uncertainty. In hindsight, the Lord has brought me through every single one of them. 

Newsflash: Statistically speaking I have technically survived 100% of everything I've been through. Every day I've lived. 

Yet, every time I enter a *new* season of limbo and uncertainty where I don't know the future and the "plan", much like the Israelites in the desert, I "paint pictures of Egypt" and question "Why did you bring me here? I'm going to be ruined. This is too hard. Just give me my old life back!"  

I don't know why I forget so easily, all that God has done. 

He has been so incredibly faithful to me. 

In countless and miraculous ways. 

Like here:  Good News Story of the week!

Or Here: Thelma & Louise a TRUE Story.

Or Here : Not what you'd expect. (Warning Graphic)


Not ONCE has he left me to my own devices, and no matter how bleak things looked, I have not, in fact, for example, ever lived in my car. 

Intellectually I know things could always be "worse" yet for some reason, I always think everything "bad" that happens is "the worst thing ever!" 

And then proceed to fall apart. 

#FirstWorldProblems 


I think it's interesting in the passage in 1 Kings, that it simply says "Some time later" ... we don't know that it's 3.5 years until much much later in History. 

For the time we are waiting in limbo, just frustrated and confused, a month can even seem like an eternity! Tell me it’s gonna be 3.5 years before breakthrough and I might just scream. But... 

I want to be more like Elijah. I want to be able to sit in a season of uncertainty, and be "fed by Ravens" which I take to mean in my contemporary context, to be provided for by the Lord. Whatever that provision is. 

Sometimes it's things like Rent and food and car repairs. Sometimes, it's things like Peace and Contentment and Joy. 

In James we read he PRAYED FERVENTLY. 

Not pitifully like I often do, because I know I’m *supposed* to. 

He prayed for breakthrough... with extreme Faith and Patience. 

He believed whole heartedly that his prayers mattered & he literally CHANGED THE WEATHER. That’s some serious power! 

(Maybe that's an issue many of us have. Do we believe our prayers do not matter?) 

I tend to focus more on the fact that it was 3.5 years and it’s just “too long”

I'm the one that will cry out “how long will you tarry for my soul is weak". I do have a bit of flair for the dramatic. 

It's our humanity and perhaps a little of the 21st Century, that has gotten us to believe that everything must happen "right now" and we need answers or else the whole world will cave in. We need to be in control. 

However, truthfully when we are in Christ. In Faith. Operating in Holy Spirit. 

The “wait” won’t seem purposeless, it won’t feel burdensome. It won't seem long. It just is. And when we are finally given our next steps, we will rejoice. And we will move into the next season, stronger and more content than ever. Because, God. 

So right now, I find myself in a season of limbo. Again. I ran the gamut of emotions, between anger, sadness and fear today. 

I know that no matter how long this season is, I will have to humbly submit my life to Jesus moment by moment... and pray for breakthrough, fervently. 

Because the BLESSING the "Rain" is coming... and I want to be found watching obediently for a cloud- even one just the size of a mans fist. 

ELIJAH PREDICTS THE RAIN 1 Kings 18: 43-44 (NIV)

43 “Go and look toward the sea,” he told his servant. And he went up and looked.

“There is nothing there,” he said.

Seven times Elijah said, “Go back.”

44 The seventh time the servant reported, “A cloud as small as a man’s hand is rising from the sea.”

So Elijah said, “Go and tell Ahab, ‘Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.’”

A living Sacrifice : You asked for it!

Listening to this song, I’m reminded that when I go through tough times, and life is very very hard and I am utterly shattered and broken... that I actually ASKED for this!!! What???

I didn’t ask to go through specific hardships.
I didn’t ask to be abused.
I didn’t ask to be raped.
I didn’t ask for my husband to leave me.
I didn’t want to be divorced.
I didn’t ask to lose everything.
I didn’t ask to face homelessness.
I didn’t ask for close loved ones to die or be killed.
I didn’t ask for my serious health issues.
I didn’t ask for my brain injury.
I didn’t want to feel so spent and tired.

But I have said; Lord Refine me. Mold me.
I did surrender and say “You are the potter.”
I did say, “Lord have your way.”
I did say “I will follow you, no matter what”
I did say “Lord I am yours.”

I remember that time I committed my life to Christ and said “You can have your way with me.”
I did say I would be a living sacrifice.

So all I have been through and have yet to go through, is in essence, the culmination of God answering prayers, meeting me and pruning.

Painful.

I think that’s why I read Psalm 145 out loud every day. There’s a lot of meat in it.

But the cliffs notes:

He is God.
He is Holy.
He is Powerful.
He is Mighty.
He is BIG.
He is Strong.
He is Just.
He is Creator
He is Glorious
He is Majestic
He is Righteous
AND
He is Good.
He is Kind
He is Forgiving
He Lifts Us
He Stays with us
He answers us.
He Is Faithful.
He will satisfy

And there is this balance in the tension of all those truths. It’s not one or the other. It’s all of it.

Listen:

https://youtu.be/UGFCbmvk0vo


READ:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+145+&version=ESV