8I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
I keep torturing myself. But yet I know its not just me doing it, there is an enemy that wants to destroy me. (1 Peter 5:8) Nevertheless I am awake with questions and haunted by things "that have been so far under the blood for so long, its comical. If God doesnt remember them why should I? Its so obviously the enemy". Things that I've been through and things that I've recently been reminded of and yet NONE of it is relevant to A. Who I am in Christ Today and B. What I do for Christ today or C. What Christ is doing in Me and through me today and for my future. SOOO Why do I dwell on it? Why can't I sleep? Why do I have images, and emotions running amok??? Why does the PAST have so much power over me??
2 Cor. 10:5 "Tear down strongholds, and take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ." I need to take my thoughts captive. But its so hard to do. Especially when I'm dreaming in my sleep. (Or deliberately viewing haunting photos sheesh, why do I do that??)
Psalm 43:18 " Forget the Former things, Do not dwell on the past."
SO much easier said than done. How do you "choose" to forget something? I mean you can't really. Its always there. You can choose not to dwell, and you can choose to pretend, choose how it affects you emotionally, or you can choose how you are going to react... but you can't really erase memories like in Sci-Fi movies. Sooo... there they are. Terrible Memories of things that have happened to me, and even worse... things I have done.
Sometimes, the anxiety of these things is so intense, I cry, I can't sleep, I feel nauseated...
1 Thess 5:17 Pray without Ceasing the Bible says. And Phil 4:6 with prayer and thanksgiving I can come boldly and present my requests to God. So that's what I will do.
Forgiveness is something I have finally learned to grasp. I do not need to forgive myself. And I have already forgiven those who have "done me wrong". These memories and images are simply a reality, a part of something that happened.... but all had a hand in shaping me into who I am today. So for that I will choose to be grateful.
Gen 50:20 What the devil meant for evil God CAN use for Good. Thats in the Bible too. I LOVE God's word. Its incredibly ALIVE and sooo full of Hope and Promises.
Psallm 119:5 Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and Light unto my path....
I keep torturing myself. But yet I know its not just me doing it, there is an enemy that wants to destroy me. (1 Peter 5:8) Nevertheless I am awake with questions and haunted by things "that have been so far under the blood for so long, its comical. If God doesnt remember them why should I? Its so obviously the enemy". Things that I've been through and things that I've recently been reminded of and yet NONE of it is relevant to A. Who I am in Christ Today and B. What I do for Christ today or C. What Christ is doing in Me and through me today and for my future. SOOO Why do I dwell on it? Why can't I sleep? Why do I have images, and emotions running amok??? Why does the PAST have so much power over me??
2 Cor. 10:5 "Tear down strongholds, and take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ." I need to take my thoughts captive. But its so hard to do. Especially when I'm dreaming in my sleep. (Or deliberately viewing haunting photos sheesh, why do I do that??)
Psalm 43:18 " Forget the Former things, Do not dwell on the past."
SO much easier said than done. How do you "choose" to forget something? I mean you can't really. Its always there. You can choose not to dwell, and you can choose to pretend, choose how it affects you emotionally, or you can choose how you are going to react... but you can't really erase memories like in Sci-Fi movies. Sooo... there they are. Terrible Memories of things that have happened to me, and even worse... things I have done.
Sometimes, the anxiety of these things is so intense, I cry, I can't sleep, I feel nauseated...
1 Thess 5:17 Pray without Ceasing the Bible says. And Phil 4:6 with prayer and thanksgiving I can come boldly and present my requests to God. So that's what I will do.
Forgiveness is something I have finally learned to grasp. I do not need to forgive myself. And I have already forgiven those who have "done me wrong". These memories and images are simply a reality, a part of something that happened.... but all had a hand in shaping me into who I am today. So for that I will choose to be grateful.
Gen 50:20 What the devil meant for evil God CAN use for Good. Thats in the Bible too. I LOVE God's word. Its incredibly ALIVE and sooo full of Hope and Promises.
Psallm 119:5 Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and Light unto my path....
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